They should put warning labels on championships

I’m scared.

Dan Giese. Geese or nice?

Ok, so I was at Joba’s first start, which also turned out to be Giese’s first appearance as a Yankee.  Upon his entrance I was ecstatic, for I believed his name to rhyme with geese.  I ran to the nearest dumpster, found a piece of cardboard, ran to the ticket office, got a sharpie, and drew the words “FLOCK OF GIESE” in big letters on the sign.  I happily ran back and spent the remaining five innings trying to get my sign on TV, so happy that I came up with this great nickname for Giese’s fans.  I was even approached by three happy, seemingly drunk people who approved of my sign.

I got home the next day and began to search for the pronunciation of Giese.  I couldn’t find it, sadly.  Just one or two days ago, I found out that Giese actually rhymed with “nice.”  I was shocked, appalled, metaphorically raped in the face.  I tried thinking, are there any good nicknames for Giese as in nice, or are they all contained to Giese as in geese.  I came up with the following:

Geese:  Flock of Geese, Geese’s Pieces, Give Giese a Chance, Release the Giese, Royal Canadian Mounted Giese, Giese and Desist, Giese Lighting, Lend and Giese.

Nice:  Giese is Nice, Giese and Dolls, Worth the Giese of Admission, Chicken Fried Giese.

Based on these, isn’t it obvious that Dan Giese’s last name should be pronounced like “geese?”  I think so.  So I ask all of you.  Petition him.  Make him become a goose.

Francona and Timlin: A Match Made in Heaven

So I was watching the Red Sox/Phillies game last night, and I had the misfortune of doing so on a TV with sound. If you’ve never listened to ESPN’s live coverage of a baseball game, don’t. Yesterday’s specialty was Steve Phillips and Someone Whose Name I Never Knew, and Lord Almighty, were they ever atrocious.

There was one point, in the top of the sixth, where the cameras panned over to Terry Francona. Steve Phillips started talking about how Francona has come a long way from his days in Philly, when he was just an ineffective, clueless manager, to now, in Boston, where he’s baseball’s preeminent manager. He motivates his players, he manages the media with ease, he keeps the clubhouse calm and focused, and at the Red Sox World Series party last year, when Theo Epstein forgot to bring enough bread and fish for the whole team, Francona managerially said “Don’t worry, there will be enough for everyone.” And lo! there was plenty, and all in attendance rejoiced.

The pole polishing continued for a few miuntes, as Francona replaced S.S. Bartolo Colon with Mike Timlin. Now, I’m not a manager. Nor am I a baseball analyst. But I know that Timlin is no longer a good pitcher. He once was, but now he’s just mediocre. His K rates have gone down for years, and his flyball rates have gone up. These are not good trends. If I know that, shouldn’t Terry Francona know that?

He should, but I’m guessing he doesn’t. Because into the game comes Mike Timlin, into the close game at Citizen’s Bank Park (a major hitter’s park).

Timlin gives up a series of line drives and a walk. His first out comes on a Cole Hamels sac bunt. Keep in mind, these line drives and the walk came from the bottom of the Phillies order. Wouldn’t it be prudent to take Timlin out before the top of the lineup has a chance to blow the game open?

Francona does nothing, Timlin gives up six runs in total and puts the game out of reach.

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